Hey Friend!
My husband and I just got back from a spontaneous trip to West Virginia. It had been a long time since we traveled, and we were way past due for some quality time outside of our natural habitat.

It's so easy not to take time off. Traveling is expensive. It seems like there's always something on the to-do list that feels too urgent to leave behind. The inbox doesn't care about vacation. And I find that there's often a little voice in the back of my head that equates stepping away with falling behind. So we don't go. And then another month passes. And another.

But this time, we went. And I'm so glad we did. Not just because West Virginia is sooooo beautiful (especially this time of year), but because the trip reminded me of something I know and teach, but have to keep relearning: Time off matters, and HOW we take it matters even more.

That's where I want to go with you today.

***

Today is Monday, so as you're reading this, you might be coming back from two days "off." And I wonder, how are you feeling?

Are you feeling genuinely rejuvenated, rested, and ready for the week?

Have you picked up right where you left off, with the same stress, the same worries, and the same level of overwhelm?

Or have you been anxious about 9 am on Monday since 5 pm on Friday?

The truth is, we take "time off" all the time. You can disconnect for a weekend, take a week-long vacation, or take a three-month sabbatical...

You can do fun things and be sufficiently distracted. You can get a tan, eat good food, sleep in, and come home with a full camera roll. And still...

So many of us come back to our inboxes just as stressed, frustrated, and blah as when we left.

Sound familiar?

This doesn't happen because you're broken or doing vacation "wrong." It's because distraction and restoration, fun and recovery are not the same thing. Being away from work physically does not automatically mean your nervous system got the memo.

The science here is powerful. Stress cycles - the physiological loops the body opens in response to threat, pressure, uncertainty, or overwhelm - need to be actively closed. Not just paused with a good book or covered up with a beach umbrella (though both of those things are lovely). Stress cycles must be purposefully completed, and most of us were never taught how to do that. We were just told to "take a break" and expected to come back restored.

That's like telling someone to fill up their gas tank and then handing them a bucket with holes.

***

So how do we actually close a stress cycle?

You have to tell and convince your nervous system, at a physiological level, that the threat has passed, which means telling it that you're safe and that you can breathe and relax without the world ending.

Here are some of the ways we can do that while we're away (whether it's for a lunch break or a longer vacation):

Movement. Your body responds to stress as if there is a physical threat, because evolutionarily, there was. Whether it's a walk, a swim, a hike, a dance in your hotel room, or a quick wiggle under your desk, moving your body signals to your nervous system that you survived. Even 10 minutes makes a real difference.

Emotional expression. Laughter (real, full-body laughter) and crying (real, genuine tears) are both stress cycle closers. When we let ourselves move all the way through emotions, we tell our brains they can let go.

Creativity. Absorbing yourself in the process of making something (cooking, drawing, writing, building, playing music) engages your brain in a genuinely restorative way.

Social connection. Real, meaningful, authentic human connection with people you love or who understand you reminds you that you're not alone and that you're part of something bigger than yourself.

Real rest. It sounds obvious, but sleep, stillness, and doing absolutely nothing without guilt or shame are critically important to our regulation.

Awe. Standing somewhere beautiful. Looking at something vast. Feeling small in the best possible way. Awe is shown to fundamentally shift our nervous system state.

Breathing. The fastest on-ramp to your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of you that knows you are safe, is taking slow, intentional, full breaths.

Intimacy and affection. Physical closeness with someone you trust fosters co-regulation and can be healing in the most biological sense of the word.
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I don't want you to feel like I'm giving you a homework assignment for your next vacation. But I do want you to consider how to purposely integrate some of these practices during your next break. It's not about adding more, but about paying deliberate attention to what your body, mind, and soul need to reset for real. And then doing it.

That's the difference between time off that restores you and time off that just distracts you.

***

Now let's talk about your team.

If you're a manager or a leader, this conversation doesn't end with your own nervous system, but extends to the people you lead.

Taking time off well is a leadership responsibility. For you AND for them.

There are two traps I see come up all the time:

1. We make it really hard for people to actually take time off. We send Slack messages, cc people on emails "just to keep them in the loop," and make comments when someone returns about how much has piled up while they were gone. We schedule a full day of meetings for someone's first day back. And then we wonder why our team is burned out, even though people are taking their PTO.
2. We tell people to take time off (a mental health day, a long weekend, a well-deserved vacation), without naming the WHY. Of course, we cannot make people do anything during their PTO, but we can remind folks of the importance of restoration and the types of activities that might be helpful (see above).

Here are some specific practices you might consider:

Say it and mean it. "Please do not check your email while you're out" is fundamentally different from "enjoy your vacation!" followed by a 47-message Slack thread. Mean what you say.

Encourage closing the stress cycle. "It's been a stressful few months, and I'm so excited for you to get some meaningful time to rest and get creative," or "I know that walking helps you reset. I hope you get a beautiful walk in this weekend."

Model it yourself. If you haven't taken a real vacation in two years, your team knows it, and they take their cues from you. The most powerful thing you can do to give your team permission to rest is to actually rest yourself.

Protect their return. Don't schedule meetings on someone's first day back unless absolutely necessary. Give people time to re-enter before they're expected to perform at full capacity.

Ask how they're actually doing. Not "did you have fun?" But: "How are you feeling? What did you do to rest? What do you need this week?" That small shift communicates that you see them as a human being returning to work rather than a resource returning online.

***

In my newsletter two weeks ago, I talked about healing leadership, the idea that your presence, your culture, and the conditions you build can be restorative for the people you lead, and that people can access healing just by being in a well-led, humanizing environment.

Creating a culture where people take time off well is part of building a healing ecosystem.

When YOU actually close your stress cycles, restore your nervous system, and come back with real reserves, you show up differently. You lead differently. You have more patience, more creativity, more capacity for the humans in front of you.

And when you create a culture where your team can do the same? That's healing leadership in action. Not because you processed anyone's feelings or held anyone's pain or told people how to heal. But because you protected the human need to recover, restore, and come back whole.

***

I haven't shared about this publicly in over a year, but I offer Time Off Coaching to help leaders figure out not just when to take a break, but how to take one that actually works, including how to prepare before you leave, how to truly close your stress cycles while you're out, and how to re-enter without immediately undoing everything you just restored. You can learn more at https://www.truereloveution.com/time-off.

***

I'll be back soon with more "normal" content about leadership and work, but for now, schedule the trip. Take care of your nervous system. Consciously close your stress cycles. Take time off well.

And if you need help figuring out how to do that for yourself or your team, I'm here.

Grateful for you always,
Marissa