Hey there,

Earlier today (yesterday by the time you read this), one of the entrepreneurs I look up to most, Gesche Haas, posted something that I felt deeply in my whole body:

Ever since I read it, I've been thinking about the word "multiplier." Because in my experience, the leaders and teams that struggle most aren't struggling because they're selfish or ungenerous.

They're struggling because they're giving in the wrong direction, to the wrong people, or from the wrong place. Their generosity isn't being "met," which leads to the slow, demoralizing experience of giving and giving and never feeling like it's enough, often until it feels like there's nothing left to give at all.

Generosity is one of my core values as a human and as a business owner. I want to give generously without attachment to outcome or expectation of anything in return. I believe that generosity is a form of energy transfer that always returns, even if not immediately or by the original recipient.

If I can offer you something that helps you help others, who then help others, and so on, that almost always feels like a worthwhile investment.

Unless...

I stumble into martyrdom, self-sacrifice, virtue signaling, over-giving to the point of depletion, giving to people who aren't ready to receive it or give back, or giving in ways that create dependency rather than growth.

Which happens sometimes. I'm a human who really cares about other humans.

But it's also very very clear to me that the antidote to those pitfalls isn't giving less or being less generous. It's about giving more intentionally, with clearer boundaries, clearer purpose, and a clearer sense of what I'm trying to put into the world and accomplish.

Generosity has everything to do with good leadership.

The way we lead, manage, navigate conflict, and take care of ourselves and our teams is, at its core, a question of what we're willing to give, to whom, and under what conditions.

I've seen this play out so many times with my clients over the last several years....

I worked with a start-up where they had scaled so quickly that the team had never quite gelled. They were polite but guarded, collaborative on paper but siloed in practice, excited about the work but not exactly trusting where it was going or why. What shifted their team culture wasn't a new framework or a team-building exercise. It was when senior leaders brought everyone on a retreat (with a really great facilitator 😉) to ask big questions completely unrelated to KPIs or business development. And all 47 people met them there with vulnerability, the courage to share what wasn't working, and the mutual care to help build an ecosystem that supported humans, relationships, and the bottom line. When generosity became reciprocal, the entire culture changed.

I also once coached a manager who was technically skilled and deeply committed to her team, but couldn't figure out why people weren't growing or taking initiative in the ways she hoped. What we found was that she was giving everything except the thing people actually needed: honest, caring, and actionable feedback. She was generous with her time and her effort, but stingy with the truth. And her direct reports lacked the data and psychological safety they needed to meet her expectations. When she learned to give compassionate feedback and started practicing it, her teammates knew she cared and were ready to take that feedback and run with it. They also started giving HER more real feedback. The energy multiplied.

And then there was the time that I was brought in to work with two leaders who had been in a slow-burning conflict for over a decade. Neither was willing to make the vulnerable move of going first, naming the harm, or saying the hard things, and they found themselves in a passive-aggressive game of chicken that their teammates were paying the price for. When they finally brought me in as a mediator (an act of generosity from the organization), we sat in a windowless room for over an hour before anyone said anything "real." But then one of them finally did, and everything shifted. The willingness to be vulnerable and "go there" gave the other person permission to do the same. And a few hours later, their conflict was completely transformed.

One last example: Just a couple of months ago, I was on a call with a leader who came to me exhausted and running on empty. She was convinced (and enculturated to believe that) the solution was to work harder and give more to everyone around her. What she truly needed was to give something to herself first and to stop rationing her rest and self-compassion. When she finally realized that you cannot model generosity for others while starving yourself of it and expect to remain whole and well, everything changed. She met herself in a place of generosity, and the impact was multiplied.

***

All of these examples show the multiplier in action. One person gives generously. Someone, or multiple someones, meets them there. And suddenly more generosity (and a whole lot of other things) becomes possible.

Gesche is right that generosity on its own can hurt you, and it can be really easy to hold back out of fear.

But the real magic is in building the discernment to know when you're giving from a full place versus a depleted one, when you're investing versus self-sacrificing, and when the people you're giving to are ready to give back. That discernment is a skill we all need to learn and practice to build more thriving leadership, team cultures, and workplace ecosystems.

Which brings me to what generosity looks like in my own work right now.

• A sliding scale pricing model and no-questions-asked discount codes for retreats and public experiences, so that cost is never the only reason someone can't get access to high-quality services. No questions asked, no proof required. I trust people to make open-hearted decisions that honor the value of our work and their unique circumstances.
• Mentoring other facilitators or consultants who are earlier in their journey or in need of support. Being a solopreneur can be isolating, and people deserve to have someone in their corner who will be honest with them, advocate for them, and share what they know without hoarding the good stuff or treating them like competition.
• Extra time beyond contract hours (within limits). I'm not penny-pinching or subjecting myself to the tyranny of the clock. If we need an extra 15 minutes and my schedule allows it, I'll give it to you. If something unexpected comes up and I need to spend a little extra time on a deliverable, I'll do that. If it becomes a pattern, it needs to be addressed. But otherwise, I'm going to be generous with my time.
• Answering questions for free when I could easily charge. I've gotten feedback that I give "too much away" in this newsletter and on my podcast. And people are always shocked that I share tools and frameworks for free, without gatekeeping, if I'm asked. I believe in my bones that information that helps people lead better should be as widely available as possible. I ask for citation and credit, but otherwise, please use my stuff!
• Amplifying and crediting other people's work. I know that I have a responsibility to use my platform to make others' wisdom, frameworks, genius, resumes, and businesses more visible.
• Being honest in public about my mistakes and failures so others don't have to learn the hard way. The polished version of entrepreneurship and leadership that most people perform online is its own kind of stinginess. If something I've lived through can save you time, pain, or a really bad decision, sharing it freely is the least I can do.

None of this is martyrdom (anymore). I have solid, well-defined boundaries, clear rates, and limits to what I say "yes" to. I also say "no" regularly and am getting a lot better at recognizing when my generosity is at risk of being exploited.

But within those guideposts, I always want to be a person who gives as fully as I can. Because I believe it comes back. I believe it matters. And I believe the world I'm trying to help build is one where generosity begets generosity.

When you, or anyone else, meets me there, it becomes the "most epic multiplier and superpower." Thank you, Gesche, for the reminder

With love and a full heart,
Marissa

PS - Gesche is the Founder of Dreamers & Doers, a community for women entrepreneurs and leaders I have been part of since 2019. If you're looking for a truly incredible and GENEROUS community, definitely check it out. Tell me if you apply, and I'll put in a good word :-)

PPS - If this resonated and you're ready to build some of the skills I've been describing, let's chat!

Thanks for reading and following along! If you appreciate what I have to say or have learned something new, please consider sharing this newsletter with others, and be sure to check out our current initiatives! ​Reloveution (ree-love-oo-shun), a consulting and professional development services provider focused on strengthening team culture, deepening leadership effectiveness, and catalyzing professional well-being. ​RepairWorks, a subpractice of Reloveution that provides mediation and conflict transformation services for individuals, teams, and established groups. ​The Millennial Manager Collective, a virtual professional development community built for millennial-aged professionals who want to grow boldly in their careers and rewrite the rules of modern work with peers who truly get it. ​ChatGMB: Wisdom & Insights for Modern Leaders, a "podcast" production of Reloveution with episodes focused on the leadership and workplace culture topics/challenges that come up again and again in my consulting, coaching, and facilitation work. ​ Interested in working together? Book a connection call or shoot me an email at marissa@truereloveution.com